How to Recognize and Overcome Self Denial

Realizing that we have a problem with substances can be a difficult truth to face. We often do everything we can to convince ourselves that problems are not significant enough to warrant seeking treatment. We deceive ourselves into thinking that we will regain our ability to regulate our drinking or drug use and invent all sorts of reasons why our drinking or using is not addiction or alcoholism despite all evidence to the contrary. We are in denial and just can’t tell ourselves the truth, says Johnny K – owner of True Life Recovery rehab program in Orange County, California.

Denial is when you distort or deny things that are really happening or how you really feel about something. You may be minimizing your (or other people’s) concerns, ignoring the problem, or blaming others for issues. When it comes to addiction, we often use denial as a powerful coping mechanism to delay facing what’s really going on and the consequences of our actions. We often do everything we can to convince ourselves that problems are not significant enough to warrant seeking treatment. It’s this self-deception that allows us to keep living the way we are – in active addiction.

Denial isn’t uncommon among people struggling with addiction. Many people don’t want to admit that they have drug or alcohol problems, and self-deception lets them make their reality more appealing. Denial often includes some of the following:

People with drug or alcohol issues utilize denial so they are able to continue to use or drink.

We often deceive ourselves of the true nature of our problem to convince ourselves that we still have power over our drinking or drug use. To admit powerlessness can be a blow to our ego and we will often try all sorts of things to prove to ourselves that our lives are still manageable. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous explains, “Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic.” We may attempt to get sober and fail, and instead of recognizing our own powerlessness, we devise all sorts of reasons as to why we relapsed. We may blame the stress of our job, our relationships, or other external stressors for driving us to drink and use drugs, rather than face the truth of our affliction.

Denial can be a powerful form of self-deception, but sometimes we are aware that there is a problem but do our best to ignore it. Dr. Neel Burton, in a 2015 Psychology Today article entitled The Psychology of Self-Deception, explains, “Repression can be thought of as ‘motivated forgetting’: the active, albeit unconscious, ‘forgetting’ of unacceptable drives, emotions, ideas, or memories. Repression is often confused with denial, which is the refusal to admit to certain unacceptable or unmanageable aspects of reality. Whereas repression relates to mental or internal stimuli, denial relates to external stimuli. That said, repression and denial often work together, and can be difficult to disentangle.”

Overcoming denial and accepting the truth of our powerlessness can be difficult because we falsely believe it is an admission of our own weakness. It used to be believed that a person had to hit rock bottom before they would have no other choice but to face the reality of their addiction. Only then could they accept the situation as it truly was and seek help. Now, it’s understood that a person doesn’t have to reach such a level of despair to get the help they need.

There are other ways that we can end self-deception and denial, including:

Denial is a powerful coping mechanism that people can use to justify or rationalize their addiction. This is a state that can vary in duration; for some, it may be just a few weeks. For others, it can be months or even years. As long as this state persists, treatment cannot begin in earnest and will often end in relapse.

With therapy and support, the person with an addiction can begin to accept reality and take the first important steps towards a full recovery.