Many parents have asked themselves the following question: why can’t the kids just get along? From name-calling to hitting, sibling fights can break out at any time. It can be frustrating to handle quarrels among all the other stressful aspects of parenthood. COVID-19 has made it so that family members are home most of the day; this can result in increased conflict among siblings. Now that the kids are out of school, tensions are running high between sisters and brothers. In such a stressful time, how do you help headstrong siblings get along?

Nothing gets a child agitated like the feeling of being the inferior sibling. Even if your remark is well-intentioned, a comparison can make the conflict even worse. Avoid comments like, your sister never talks back, or your brother would never do that. Instead, leave the other children out when it comes to scolding; otherwise, you’re adding fuel to the flames of sibling rivalry. Children often fight when they want to compete for the affection of their parents. Be impartial when it comes to disciplining your children so that they know you respect them all equally.

When kids work together, they realize how much fun they have on the same team, rather than as opponents. Games and projects that make your kids join their efforts to achieve their goal can help reduce sibling rivalry. Instead of competing, they’ll try their best to cooperate and succeed. Children may enjoy multiplayer video games where they work together to beat the game. They might like to complete fun craft projects together, like creating DIY room decorations. Try to brainstorm activities that can turn your arguing children into agreeable team players.

Conflict is a natural part of sharing a household. Disagreements are one thing, but it’s another to resort to name-calling and disrespecting another’s belongings. All children must understand the respect that’s necessary for a healthy relationship. Part of respect is empathy; telling your child that they wouldn’t enjoy it if someone messed up their toys, for example, is one way for them to feel the repercussions of their actions. 

While sharing is a great lesson to teach kids, it doesn’t always translate into cooperative playtime. If there are a few items that your kids are battling over continually, you can consider purchasing extras to keep them all happy. 

Even though a task may require just one set of hands, assigning it to two or more children makes them engage in teamwork to get it done. You can ask them to organize the playroom together, or help do the dishes. It will give them a sense of accomplishment and bonding once they finish the task together and can get back to hanging out – chances are, they’ll want to stay on the same team during playtime, too.

How many fights have started over one child hogging the computer, or  another wanting to change the TV channel? Challenge your children by withholding the Internet and electronic devices for a few hours. They’ll have to work together to come up with something fun to do. Without technology in the way, they’ll forget about their previous quarrels, and focus their efforts on finishing a board game or role-playing in an imagination-based game. 

This might seem counter-intuitive; when kids are screaming and fighting, one’s first instinct is usually to tear them apart and tell them to quiet down. But while this may solve things in the short term, it won’t teach them the skills they need to resolve fights on their own. When problems happen, you can facilitate a discussion that will help everyone understand why there may be hurt feelings. Encourage skills like active listening and empathy to enable them to work out their differences. This will help your children solve their fights without running to get you involved every time.

Tension can arise between siblings when they believe that they must compete for the love and attention of their parents. Each family is different, and some situations can cause problems between kids. Siblings that are close in age are notorious for fighting frequently, but with these tips, you can help to encourage healthy relationships that will last a lifetime.

Veronica Wallace is a childhood educator and blogging enthusiast. Some of her favourite articles can be found on the Kidthink website. Kidthink specializes in offering clinical treatment of mental illness in children aged twelve and under, along with community outreach and training for this type of treatment.