How Can Gottman Method of Couple Therapy Help Us?

According to John Gottman, the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” are ultimate relationship breakers. These horsemen are: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. Studies show the couples in long-lasting marriages treat each other with kindness, respect and consideration. The Gottman method could help you address relationship difficulties without blaming your partner and enabling you to develop a better relationship.  

Develop empathy 

Gottman has advised couples to develop love maps, which refer to gaining awareness about each other’s points of view as the relationship progresses. It encourages partners to consider how the other is thinking or feeling, what they are putting up with every day and to appreciate their feelings, contributions, aspirations and what distresses them.  

Show appreciation 

Couple’s lasting relationships flourish because they appreciate each other’s efforts and are grateful. Moreover, successful partners learn to live in harmony with each other’s differences. Even during conversations, happy couples listen without judging or responding immediately. They even converse about monotonous topics to keep communication alive. For every conflict, there are five happy occasions, indicating the happiness to conflict ration as 5:1. Happy couples engage in constructive arguments rather than criticism, blaming or judging the other person.  

Happy couples take each other’s preferences into considerations and are willing to compromise to suit each other’s best interests. They are able to yield without show of power and are successful in maintaining stability and trust.  

Constructive problem-solving 

Happy couples have a strategy of solving problems. It starts with warming up to each other, offering viewpoints without judging the other person, listening, using we/us/our terms instead of I/mine/my, showing respect for the other person and negotiating for win-win. They learn to tolerate each other’s differences and shortcomings and focus on maintaining a balance and the overall wellbeing of the relationship.  

Rather than resolving conflicts, Gottman helps manage conflicts. Every relationship has its share of conflicts. They deepen their connection through shared life experiences, getting though struggles and how they help enrich each other’s lives.  

Looking for a Burbank Therapist or Santa Clarita Therapist – we are here to help